“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” – E.H.
I have been ruminating overlong. I should not have procrastinated so much on my postings here. I doesn’t matter that no one reads this. I was only supposed to be posting for myself anyway. I am the only one who has to pass judgement, if any at all on what appears in this space. That is why I disabled comments. I needed to write these things down without constant second guessing, without hedging. This is to be a soliloquy, not a dialogue.
Maybe I have been too quiet in my own mind. Or maybe I am hesitant to explicitly articulate the more outlandish, provocative thinking I have been engaging in. Some ends up in my journal. Very little ends up here. But the craziest shit never even leaves my head. I have difficulty finding the words.
Truthfully, some of the thoughts I have cause me pain. I try to evade the conclusion by turning it over again but it leads to the same place. Most people are perfectly content to live in the world they wish existed. But to honestly try to live in the world as it is, and recognize so much that is unsettling, even while recognizing the impossibility of a truth obtainable in the absolute… it is not easy.
I believe it is likely that civilization will collapse, or there will be a global scale war at some point within the next 15 years. I have tried to produce good reasons to convince myself this is not so but have been unsuccessful. And I cannot rule out the possibility that my conclusions are being tainted by my own psychological state.